I have often had parents say to me, "how can I send my child to college if I can't afford it?" Or "how can I make sure my child still receives a quality education if I feel that school system is failing them?"
Well there are several things that parents can do to increase the odds that their children will be able to attend college regardless of their income. There are also things parents can do to supplement their children's education at home.
Begin placing the idea of college into your child at a very early age. Allow your child to embrace this vision for their life. When you travel, find out what colleges are the area and set up a visit. Even as early as elementary school. This is particularly if no one in the family has ever gone away to school. The child should become familiar with the lingo and protocol that goes with attending college. College should become part of everyday conversation in the home. This will also give them something tangible to think about while they are in school. Also, when your child enters high school, it is a good idea to set up a rapport with colleges you are interested in. Get to know the people in the admissions and financial offices, the process, etc. If and when you can, go for a visit, and create relationships with the people there. If you cannot visit, then email or call. Do Something.
If your child is interested in a particular area or soars in a particular area, call or email the head of that department. If your child is a very good student send report cards to the school with notes of your family's anticipation about the child attending. If your child is the first one to attend college, let the college know early. First generation college students are very attractive to schools and scholarship resources.
If your child does not have the highest grades, but soars really high in one area, nurture that area and find schools that may be smaller but have a great program in that area. Send items demonstrating your child's high performance in that area. For example, if your child is a phenomenal artist or a great musician, send pictures or samples of their work. Make sure you have their work legally protected. A helpful website to help you protect your child's work is www.copyright.gov
If your child is a great athlete but does not attend a Division 1 highschool, then start keeping track of your child's stats and grades. If your child is doing well in school and is an outstanding athlete, contact schools and invite them to see your child play. Every year send them your child's stats and grades. Send it directly to the coach if you feel bold! If you can, videotape your child while playing as often as you can, and send copies of their performance.
Collect letters of recommendation or character from everyone who spends time with your child. Teachers, youth counselors, pastors etc. Don't wait until their senior year to do this, start EARLY. Start in middle school, elementary even. You may think that is a bit extreme, but keeping these letters and awards in a revered place in the home will build your child's confidence. It also gives potential colleges and private high schools a portfolio of your child.
You should also know your child's guidance counselor by their first name. More importantly, you should make sure that they are doing their job. If the highschool your child attends is not servicing them properly, call other schools and ask the guidance counselors what you should be looking for. Your guidance Counselor can help with fee waivers for college applications, and taking the SAT or ACT. Comparing schools is another way to make sure your child keeps a competitive edge. By the way, become very familiar with www.collegeboard.com
This website is phenomenal. It helps you register for the SAT and the ACT. It also keeps you aware of the dates so you can prepare. The site automatically sends your scores to colleges you indicate and scholarship resources. If you don't have a computer, tell your guidance counselor to help register your child DURING THEIR JUNIOR YEAR. Also, your child may take the SAT test at least three times. Try to have them take all three before the February of their senior year. This may mean taking the test once in the spring or summer of their junior year. Finally, make sure you have completed all financial aid applications by January 31 of their senior year. If you do the application online, you will need an email address and a pin number. Get the guidance counselor to help you. If not, go to the library and get the librarian to help you. Don't let them leave until you understand. That is their job. Or find a young college student at church or in your village to help. Ask early. Let them know in October you will need their help in December. You will need your W2's or proof of the year's income. It may sound scary if you have never done this, but so was driving, balancing a checkbook, and raising a family in the beginning. It just takes one step at a time and if others have done it, you can too.
Also, Don't underestimate partnerships and networking. If you work for a company, find out what scholarships are there. If there aren't any, campaign to create some. Ask your church to start a scholarship fund. Be savvy; don't wait until YOUR child is graduating to do this. Start it while your child is young.
There are also some old fashion methods which includes saving and investing. Each state has an educational plan that you can pay into while your child is young and lock tuition prices so that they don't increase as your child gets older. This is a helpful way, but the truth is, many of us are living paycheck to paycheck and do not feel we are in a position to save and invest. I would argue that we need to work our way out of this lifestyle as well, but until then, there are things we can do to promote and educate our children that are NOT COSTLY.
As for supplementing their education, while your child is young, find out what other schools have their children reading and make sure your child is reading these books. If you visit your local library or bookstore they usually have a summer reading list for most of the schools in the area. Peruse through the list of books for private and suburban schools. If you cannot locate such a list, ask your local librarian for a list of "the classics."
Of course, with children of color, the classics may not always include novels and works that speak to their experiences, so compile your own list of classics. They should not be mutually exclusive of one another. They need to read as much as they can as often as they can. During the summer, while in the bathroom, while waiting at the doctor's office, on long trips. If you need help, call a local community college and find out who is teaching African American literature. Yes, call just like that. The professor will WELCOME the call. I promise. Tell the instructor that you want to compile a list of age appropriate works of literature for your child.
Remember, early is always the key word. When at all possible, start the reading and the love of reading early to your children. Let them see you get excited about books. Let them see you read. Read to them. Make books part of the family.
This is important. College entrance is competitive and your child needs to be able to compete. But most important, their innate inquisitive nature should be trained to seek knowledge and understanding. Always. As for math, when your child begins to tackle algebraic equations and beyond, you should make sure that your child is doing math every night during the school year and at least once a week during the summer to stay fresh. This is the same for foreign language. Math and foreign language are subjects that usually require daily attention in order to grasp it. You may want to start locating resources that help you apply math and logical concepts to everyday life so that you can help your child think and become more familiar and comfortable with thinking in that way. It might take some work and maybe some assistance. But your efforts will bring fruit. Unfortunately, some children of color have bought into the myth that they are not good in math. We have to combat that kind of thinking. It is their confidence working WITH their abilities that will help them compete.
The goal here is to use what you have available to you in order to promote your children. I remember when my daughters were little; I would find FREE activities in the community for us to attend. Instead of spending a Saturday at the mall with girlfriends, I attended art fairs, listened to speakers at the local libraries, visited community theaters who put on free productions etc. I would network and ask questions, ALWAYS. I didn't have a computer when my girls were really small so when public computers became available at the local libraries, I would get ziplock bags and take my girls to the library. On the way, we would pick up flowers and bugs and rocks etc. When we got to the library, I would put each one on a computer and we would look up what we had found. We talked about it, asked questions about it, argued about it, made up stories etc. We found books about our findings.
I turned the world into a classroom for my children and it did not cost me a dime.
Also, talk to older people in your community. You may have retired teachers, musicians, mathematicians, scientist at your fingertips who would welcome an opportunity to work with your child if they need a little help or inspiration in an area. Don't be pushy, after all they have paid their dues, but you may luck up on one who wants to remain active.
What this post is really saying is that you (Parent) will have to be incredibly ACTIVE in order to promote and educate your little genius. You also have to be a little clever. Remember it's YOUR job. YOURS. You were given that child. Not their teachers, not the guidance counselors. YOU. The teachers and counselors are supposed to enhance your efforts and work with you. This does not mean they should not do their job, but the only way to know if they are doing THEIR job is if you are doing YOURS. Your children's educators need to see you and talk to you and understand what your objective is. Your children should see you advocating and working on their behalf. The classroom should be an extension of the village. You should always be abreast of what is going on in your child's school and classroom. Albeit, as they get older and begin to leave middle school and enter high school, your child should be owning a big part of this process. Yes you should let go a bit. But you still should remain involved on some level. Go to the parent teacher meetings, go to the PTA functions etc.
If you cannot find the time off of work, call the school and ask if they can make arrangements for parents who work. Or get the dates of these meetings early enough and see if you can make adjustments to your schedule at work. If you cannot, do email conferences, or phone conferences. Do something! Host a party at your home for other parents so you can find out what you might be missing or simply establish allies. Find out what parent is active and establish a relationship with them. You get one chance to raise your child. Give it all you can. You will receive a harvest beyond imagination. © 2006 All Rights Reserved
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20 PARENTING TIPS
1. Envision your child as an adult. Ask yourself, what kind of adult do you want your child to become?
This is a different question from what profession do you want your child to become.
Think about what values you hold dear.
Self-learning
Integrity
Self-Love etc.
Responsibility/Accountability (the world does not owe them anything)
2. Communicate these goals to your child.
Let your child know that there is a plan in place and that there is a goal in mind. Include them in that.
3. Create a village for your child.
The key to this is to make sure that your village communicates the same kind of values and expectations that you have for your child. Be particular about who you allow to pour into your children. This is crucial.
This will make your child feel that they are connected to something greater than they are.
This should work for praise as well as guidance. They should know that everyone in their community is rooting for them – and more importantly –expects them, to make it.
4. Become proactive and visible in your child’s school.
Allow teachers as well as your children to see you involved. This makes the school part of the village you create instead of a place they attend for 8 hours of the day.
When possible…make teachers your ally. But you must balance this against being your child’s advocate…You are their advocate first, but advocacy does not mean turning a blind eye to misbehavior. You must let everyone know, including your child, that you are fair… reasonable…accessible and concerned…
5. If you want to communicate a value to your child but don’t really know how…get creative...
Find Mentors for you and your child.
Find parents that you admire and talk to them about parenting methods.
6. Continue to grow and allow your children to see you grow. It is easier to communicate what you gain access to.
7. Become somewhat transparent with your child; let them know that being human is something you can manage.
8. Make sure that your child has a sense of personal spiritual connection.
This will give your child something to turn to when they cannot talk to you or anyone else.
9. Do not allow your ego to rear your child. It is not about you. You have one time to get this right.
10. Talk to your child. Allow them to see that you are concerned about them and that you will investigate the activities of their lives. More importantly tell them that you love them and that they are important to you. Remember that communication involves listening as well…. you must listen to them, and they need to know that you will stop what you are doing…. and listen.
You have to speak life into your child. The world is going to do enough damage. You must build them up. Do not assume they already know…they need to hear it.
11. Show a connection between hard work, planning and success.
Tell them a personal goal of yours and allow them to see you pursue that. Show them how the incremental steps of going to school and performing lead to self-discipline, and rewards.
12. PRAISE YOUR CHILDREN AND TEACH THEM THAT THEY ARE VALUEABLE…IF YOU DON’T..THEY WILL SEEK IT ELSEWHERE.
Roses
Eagles
13. Promote your children and make them marketable! Do not be misled. You are their agents and they live in a competitive world. Always give them an edge where you can and show others what kind of phenomenon your child is.
14. Don’t overlook the effectiveness of a reward system. Sometimes people need incentives when they are not self-motivated.
Get creative and teach your child how to make choices that will allow them to pursue the things that interest them…but until they are in a position to do that…they need to be motivated to perform. How many of you would go to work free? They are human just like we are.
15. Don’t just talk about! Be active. Turn off the television. Get off the phone. You have to make the effort first!
16. Remember it is NEVER too late. No matter how old your child is, you can sit them down and talk about what you plan to implement into their lives. It may take some time and this is where communication will become key. Be open and transparent about your goals and your love for them. Nevertheless, you must be consistent.
17. Here is one of the hardest tips to commit to, you must remember that your children come through you…they are not yours…you must encourage them and see them for who they are…they often teach you lessons about yourself, but they must not carry the weight of your deferred dreams. Sneak vicarious peaks when you can…but remember they have their own purpose.
18. Read to your child and speak to your child! IQ is something that can be raised. IQ speaks to language. A child with a broader vocabulary usually has a higher IQ. ( I didn’t come up with that…it’s been researched) The ideal? Speak at least 700 sentences to your children a day. Yes 700.
o Upper middle class professionals – speak 700 SENTENCES a day and have read well over 1500 books to their child by the time the child is 10. where do you think that came from? What do you think goes into making colors? Do you know the history of this building? What did you mean when you said…what do you think about this picture? Come take a look at this article…Do you know how equity works? How do you feel about the war? Here is why so many people are polarized about this issue…
o Middle class – speak 300/400 SENTENCES a day and has read 1000, to 1500 books to their child by age 10 ….How was your day? What did your teacher do? What would you like to do today? What is on your mind? What kind of project do you have to do? How do you feel about this issue?
o Lower class/poverty – speak on the average 700 WORDS a day to their child and has read fewer than 100 books to their child by the time the child is 10. No, Be quiet, I’m tired, sit down; cut it out…do what I said.
Language and vocabulary speaks to IQ folks….
19. If your child begins to behave in a way that is not the norm, or start a habit that is not positive or acting out in any manner…start in the mirror….has anything changed in your life….your home? Next start with the village…what is different about your child’s life…new school? New friends? Did you get a new boyfriend? Divorce? Change jobs? New church? There is always a reason for extreme changes in a child. Do your homework before you take action. Watch for triggers.
20. Give yourself a hand. The fact that you are here speaks volumes to the love you have for your child and your commitment to their success as happy and productive people.
If you make a mistake…be sure to forgive yourself. The more you know…the better you will do.
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